Radical choice: “I’m never going to a nursing home”

by Roberta Ness

How one radical, loving choice offered dignity, connection, and control at the end of life.

Welcome back, sweetie. I hope you won’t be disappointed but today I’m not offering any goodies. In fact, I’m fasting. Just for a day – don’t worry, just in solidarity with your dad’s experience when he decided to Voluntary Stop Eating and Drinking (VSED).

Because of that painful experience, this blog is difficult for me to write. While much of it will seem like a dry discourse about the mechanics of VSED, it takes me back to a swirl of memories and emotions about David’s choice and my internal struggle to support your dad as he starved himself to death. In the end, he was elated that he regained control over a life he felt had become hollow and ignoble. He was joyous in retaining enough dignity that he never suffered the shameful loss of bladder and bowel control that accompanied severe Alzheimer’s Disease. Yet, despite knowing our support as a family was the greatest gift of love we could have given, the agony of watching the man I adored fade away over two weeks cannot be described.

What's VSED?

VSED is exactly what it sounds like – the decision by a competent person to terminate their life by refusing to swallow anything except medications. As radical as it sounds, it’s a remarkably common practice in some cultures (Native Americans standardly went off into the woods when they felt their time had come). It’s also remarkably common as an “underground” practice among people who have simply had enough of life. Remember your great grandma turning her head away from the food we offered at the end of her life?

VSED is perfectly legal throughout the U.S…